This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for “Termination without Cause.”

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:

“Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?”

“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”

“What sort of trouble?”

“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the wordswent away.”

“Went away?”

“They disappeared.”

“Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”

“Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”

“How do I tell?”

“Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?”

“What’s a sea-prompt?”

“Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on thescreen?”

“There isn’t any cursor, I told you, it won’t accept anything Itype.”

“Does your monitor have a power indicator?”

“What’s a monitor?”

“It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like aTV.  Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where thepower cord goes into it. Can you see that?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’splugged into the wall.”

“…….Yes, it is.”

“When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that therewere two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?”

“No.”

“Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and findthe other cable.”

“…….Okay, here it is.”

“Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely intothe back of your computer.”

“I can’t reach.”

“Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?”

“No.”

“Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean wayover?”

“Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’sbecause it’s dark.”

“Dark?”

“Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have iscoming in  from the window.”

“Well, turn on the office light then.”

“I can’t.”

“No? Why not?”

“Because there’s a power outage.”

“A power… A power outage? Ah, Okay, we’ve got it licked now.Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?”

“Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”

“Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up justlike it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”

“Really? Is it that bad?”

“Yes, I’m afraid it is.”

“Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”

“Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer.”